The Beach Craving

The Beach Craving.

It’s that time again- winter, 2/22/2012.  Ironically, it’s a very sunny day here in CO. It’s windy but picturesque; reminding me that spring and summer are anxiously waiting to show their faces. I can’t help but imagine myself on the shore of the beach, facing the waves, wondering, thinking, listening, feeling warm. There is something so soul-invigorating in this place. It’s like the wind and waves speak a language that I understand. I’m not the only one. You know who you are. There are other beach-cravers out there. The vastness invigorates and inspires you. You leave exhausted in body, but refreshed in spirit. You long to sing, write, paint about it…somehow trying to re-live the moment here. You don’t mind cleaning out sand, feeling salty and windblown. As a matter of fact, the wind is vital. It blows the cobwebs out of our soul. It brings a freshness and perspective..and of course, a little hope.  There is such mystery yet comfort here. A walk will always bring surprises and yet also a constancy as the waves rhythmically enter and exit at your feet. The birds will sing, but there will be a surprise in their song and flight. Maybe a boat will enter the horizon. Maybe a wandering soul will find peace.

Needy 2/22/2012

Have you ever felt strong? Physically? Spiritually? Emotionally? This often happens after a perceived victory moment, doesn’t it? Maybe you feel strong after a long hike that took all of your energy and focus, or maybe when you said a kind word when the words”I told you so” echoed it’s sarcastic self in the recesses of your mind as an option. You felt strong because you conquered. Or did you? This is the illusion anyway. How ironic that we are probably the strongest when we are aware of our weaknesses. When we look ourselves squarely in the face and speak honestly about our failures; when we know we need God’s power in our life, it is then that we are closer to life and truth. Outward circumstance can make us look victorious but that really isn’t the goal, is it? I’m not advocating defeatism. There is power available, but not in myself. I’m empty without help. I am acknowledging that in humbleness of heart (the reality and truth) resides the arsenal I need. It’s not made up of flesh and blood. The arsenal is power that has no physical arms and legs. It swirls around me in another realm, like invisible angels. Left on my own, I can muster up decisions that look right. I can say the right things for awhile. It really isn’t strength though. Maybe it’s some kind of self preservation because I know enough truth to reason righteousness. But that isn’t surrender to the power of God and His life becoming mine, His power mine, His eyes my sight. I want to know the desperateness of me and accept the beautiful gifts God wants me to have. There is nothing I can do to change the fact that I’m weak-physically, emotionally, spiritually. As much as I want it to, no “perfect situation” (family, friends, money, health) in this life changes the reality of my need. Outward circumstances (good and bad, victory and failure) make it easier to see and know my need. He made me to need Him, plain and simple. In surrender I will reap benefits of Him.

I’ve had a few down days physically. As always, It’s been a great reminder. It’s hard to be weak. In wanting the situation to be different, I naturally ask questions of myself. For me, I started thinking, what has changed? what can I do to feel strong again? Is it this? is it that? It’s really not any different emotionally and spiritually. Even in my my perceived strong days, I am still nothing more than needy. Hanging onto that and thankful for every good gift that comes from above; for a new day and more strength from Him.

Sunset and Sunrise

Tonight, for some reason, I’m reminded of our connectedness with people. We’ve all heard and pondered the truth that “no man is an island”. As true as that statement is, sometimes we really live as if we are alone. I was thinking on this as the sun began to set.  It’s pretty amazing that while the sun is setting here in my part of the world, making it dark and cold(er), it is rising somewhere around the globe.If I’m not careful, I will never think about the people on the other side of the planet. I will never wonder about their life, their needs, their hearts. At this very moment, someone is getting up from difficult night and they’re looking at the sunrise while I look at the sunset. They’re pondering the new day in search of hope. One of my favorite CD’s by Sara Groves has a song called “I Saw What I Saw” on it.  Here are the lyrics.

I saw what I saw and I can’t forget it
I heard what I heard and I can’t go back
I know what I know and I can’t deny it

something on the road, cut me to the soul

your pain has changed me
your dream inspires
your face a memory
your hope a fire
your courage asks me what I’m afraid of
and what I know of love

we’ve done what we’ve done and we can’t erase it
we are what we are and it’s more than enough
we have what we have but it’s no substitution

something on the road, cut me to the soul

I say what I say with no hesitation
I have what I have but I’m giving it up
I do what I do with deep conviction

something on the road, cut me to the soul

your courage asks me what I’m afraid of
your courage asks me what I am made of
your courage asks me what I’m afraid of
and what I know of love
and what I know of God

 In truth, sometimes we distance ourselves from the in-depth conversation. We shield ourselves from becoming too close. The extent of our concern is limited to trite platitudes. When we listen, really listen, and become involved, we’re changed. We’re called to action…drawn to responsibility.  What am I afraid of? Inconvenience? In truth, when compelled by love it doesn’t feel like responsibility at all. I guess we sometimes miss the greatest  blessings when we assume these connections are chores. Getting past self and focusing on someone else may be just the way we are wired to get past mediocrity. It’s really like a breath of fresh air we desperately need!.  hmmm…something to ponder.

True Love

Sad that even the phrase “True love” has become trite. Hard to explain, yet even harder to deny is the reality of those words. Though it’s mostly defined by meager attempts relating to our physical life, it can’t be defined by this at all. It’s so much more than that, isn’t it?.  Maybe that is the essence of our attempt to write poetry, music, and create art.  We are compelled to capture it, define it, clarify it.

Sometimes it’s so quiet that it’s overlooked. Isn’t that the how most treasured things in life appear? Quietly. It’s just that simple…and yet really that profound. True love gives without expectation of getting in return, but always long for connection. It is innocent and pure, selfless and honest, supportive and honoring. In some ways it can only be described as supernatural. There are no secrets with true love. It isn’t cloaked in ambiguous phrases, isn’t deflected by imaginary smoke screens. It just exists as it is, in all of its glory, proud and sure, confident and strong.  It has nothing to lose. True love lives beyond boundaries of distance and even lack of human touch. It lives and breathes as sure as its Maker.

Older than created time, it’s limitations aren’t known, maybe because we’ve yet to prove there are any. True, we hear the raw realities of this life-realities of loss and pain, rejection and disappointment, and a part of us says “see, it isn’t real”. “It’s conditional”…”True love is a myth, a fable, a false hope.” our own thoughts intimidate us into thinking that if we long for it, we are weak, thus making us more vulnerable and seem pitiful to those around us. Nothing could be farther from the truth because nothing lives in those thoughts of desolation.  No breaths can be taken there. We only suffocate there in the darkness, loss and skepticism. We’re forced to challenge our mind; a choice is made.  If we choose to come up for air, we feel it in all it’s beauty. As sure as the sun warms the horizon in morning, the other side of us begins to listen and feel the warmth it brings, the freshness of it’s air. We can’t help but crave the safe place it builds for us. We notice it. In it’s quiet strength we’re pulled like a current in the ocean. We can’t explain it, but we hear it in the heart of our soul, not just our body.

Because of the loss we gain perspective. The truth of our Creator and His gift of love to us brings a smile. In this moment, we know we were created to believe. There’s no denying it. It was/is His plan.  

To my 35 and over friends :)

ok. Well, 44 is less than a month away now. That may not be a huge milestone like the ones that end in 0′s like, 30, 40 or 50, but it has hit me lately, this reality of aging. I look in the mirror and everything is changing. Skin is looser, crow feet longer, eyebrows thinner, “this and that” saggier (is that even a word?)…you get the idea. I’ve decided to challenge myself in this area. It’s easy to complain about it. No, I’m not giving up hair color or forgetting to moisturize. I’m exercising and eating right…but…I am taking the mental challenge to counter every negative thought with a positive. Here’s the truth; with every day we live, also comes great opportunity. Why don’t we cherish that? Yesterday doesn’t have to be greater than tomorrow. Yes, maybe more wrinkles, but guess what? also a bigger capacity to love, another opportunity to learn, a chance to grow wiser. Given the trade, as great as “mature” may be, I’m not sure we’d chose it over youth. We’re addicted to youth in this culture. But we don’t get to choose to stay young. I don’t know any 80 year olds who look 30. Just doesn’t happen. We can fudge a few years for awhile, but it’s not sustainable. What we can chose is to pursue becoming a person richer in this life-in all ways that count. I’m pretty sure it’s what God had in mind in us growing physically and spiritually to become a mature believer. Love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance-like I said, GREAT opportunities. I love older people probably for this reason. They have much to say on these things. Sure there’s always a cranky one, but there are some gems that can help me along this journey. I really want to be one of those nice old ladies who invests in others, smiles with a walker in hand, leaves nothing but love in her wake  If there was a beauty contest of the soul, how would we do?

The Older Brother

The story about the prodigal son is mostly about the older brother, isn’t it? It’s obvious that Jesus was making a point about grace and maybe how we undervalue it.  David made the comment at lunch (Chipotle inspires great thoughts)…that “life is mostly about recognizing and valuing the mercy and grace of the Father”.  We like to focus on our good actions, the right choices and hoping we benefit from them. What if we make the wrong decisions. What then? Consequences? Sure.  But whenever/wherever we come to the end of ourselves (sooner better than later), the Father is there. Waiting to restore; waiting to place the beautiful ring back on our hand; the one that symbolizes “all is well”. It really is about knowing how needy we are in this life. There is hope in humility, not in anything else.

I’m imagining the emotional state of both boys when they both talk to the Father that night.; the night the boy came home. You would imagine two sons feeling really great, maybe celebrating around the table together.  It’s a sad story. The older brother isn’t content with the Fathers love. He feels “jipped” compared to what the wandering brother lost and then found.  The younger brother knows exactly what he has now. He didn’t know before.  It’s obvious the older brother missed it. I guess that’s why it’s sad.

In this story it seems obvious that it took the journey for the younger brother to understand. Different paths bring people to the table of celebration. Recognizing that our whole life gains meaning at that place should make a difference in how we view this journey and the journey of those around us. Just sayin’

Thoughts on Jan 1, 2012

I’ve been bombarded with thoughts and challenges for the new year.  Maybe resolution is the buzz word of the day. Some of the thoughts just stem from internal reflection and a desire to think “what could/should be different in 2012. Some thoughts are from those around me; their insights; their challenges they voice for the unknowns of 2012. I’m just going to attempt to put some thoughts down, random as they may seem…

“Love isn’t the words we say to each other. Love is action; Love is lived out in our deeds.”

“The only thing Satan has access to is what I have not laid at the cross of Christ. He has nothing else.”-Pastor Brown

A lady stood in church to share. She said early in 2011 she had claimed Prov 3:5-6 as her verses for the year. A few weeks ago her 25 year old grandson dropped dead suddenly from a heart condition he didn’t know he had. She said at first she felt anger.  The challenge of the verses were with her…Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. These are her words about God…”He is sovereign…and good…and you have to hang onto that.”

What does God want for me in 2012? He is the author and finisher of my faith, not me. He will take my faults.  He will take my failures and defeats…and He will redeem them. I can’t. With Christ, there is nothing wasted. He will work on my behalf. It is the gospel of redemption and reconciliation that He embodies. He asks me to embrace that.

No one ever cared for me like Jesus… because He values the unseen part inside of me– because He doesn’t look at my feeble attempt to “dress this ol’ clay up” and smirk at my inability–because He sees me spiritually slumped over on the side of the road, destitute and empty, and still reaches out to me–because he gives life where there was death–because he opens my heart to truth where there was blindness–because He gives hope when there was not even a seed to plant–because He is sacrificial love.

Do you remember when He called you? How He called you? You HAVE been called to know Him, to love Him, to repent and live with Him.

I am called. I am loved. I am kept by Jesus

Vulnerability

In our Christmas Eve service, we took a closer look at the word Vulnerable.  In the few quiet minutes since then, this word keeps circling in my mind.  We talked about the vulnerability of Jesus coming as a baby. It’s beautiful really. Jesus gives first, always has. Vulnerability is so evident in our relationship with Christ, but what’s really neat is that it’s also seen in every meaningful relationship we have on this earth, mirroring Gods love. It’s absolutely necessary.  When “vulnerable” isn’t part of the equation, it isn’t as it should be.  It’s selfish, self-serving and not really loving at all. Vulnerability is imbedded in the fabric of real relationships.  It’s a risk-the risk of being rejected. That is humanly hard to handle. The beauty, of course, is acceptance, quite supernatural. This is the essence of the gospel, isn’t it? –Acceptance from the creator of you; His readiness to make you whole. complete. loving. giving. expecting nothing, but giving everything. When we mirror God, this is what we become. Vulnerable and beautiful.

Kairos

Time doesn’t stand still, though at times it feels as if it does.  The days of sadness and mourning seem long, maybe even frozen.  I guess when we’re in shock, our senses are altered.  We expect the whole world should suddenly break from the norm, the sun should stand still, the birds should stop singing, no one should move.  Everyone should pause and acknowledge the impact we feel; acknowledge that life is altered forever. But it doesn’t happen.  The same day that brings profound loss, is the same day a baby is born.  In one circle of space there is anguish and heartache, and in the other space, just yards away, jubilant celebration.  It seems cruel at first glance.

I learned on Sunday that there are two Greek words in scripture referring to time.  One is “chronos”, referring to chronological time or sequence of events.  The other is “Kairos”, meaning ”the appointed time in the purpose of God”, the time when God acts…

 

Mark 1:14-15 “the time” (is fulfilled)

Luke 12:54-56 “the present time”

Luke 19:44 “the time” (of your visitation from God)

Romans 13:11-13 “the time . . . the moment”

11 Corinthians 6:1-2 “the acceptable time”

Kairos differs from the more usual word for time which is chronos. Kairos is a moment of undetermined period of time in which something unique and special happens. I have pondered these two words and their uniqueness.  Chronos time was created for us.  Much like a vehicle, allowing us to navigate in this earthly realm, it is the currency of earth, the predictable cycle of night and day, seasons and seconds.  But in truth, the more coveted God-given gift that we should all anticipate is kairos time; this divine appointment-the time that transcends the defined time of man. I don’t necessarily think we can navigate, manipulate or orchestrate this, but I do believe God does. He acts.  He pursues. He seems to prepare our heart for HIS  coming-prepares us for kairos moments.  He sends messengers-sometimes people, sometimes circumstances.  Just like Mary, Joseph, Elizabeth and Zachariah, who were given messages by the angels, God sets us up for His entrance in our life.

This leads me back to the two circles of space on the day where one is mourning and one is rejoicing. Both are in chronos time, the day to day chronological time-frame we live here on earth.  But I’m thinking on the Kairos moments, and consider that both events could also include kairos-God in action. Not just on those beautiful bright days when a baby is born, but in moments of pain, weakness and trembling are we confronted. What seems to be a shocking, life-altering, never forgotten chronos moment becomes a door where the God that created time enters our space. THAT is eternity altering! This transcends chronos moments and elevates us to a dimension beyond earthly grasp, beyond comprehension, to a place where grace is the air we breathe and the currency we use.

Our Jesus Encounter

I saw a video this week during a Bible study (thank you Herbies Auto Sales). It was so thought-provoking. We looked closely at the encounter Jesus had with the woman at the well. Jesus defied the cultural norm even speaking to the woman. He asked so many questions.  I love that. Of course he already knew the answers, but he gently prodded her heart so she would reveal herself to herself.  Kind of weird that we need help with that. The Samaritans were known for mixing Judaism with paganism. They worshipped at a different location- a huge dividing spot for devout Jews looking to Jerusalem.  Jesus jumped this hurdle with ease because it wasn’t the real issue at all. Sound a little familiar? The real issue is Jesus, who He was, and what we do with that.

I picture this woman and wonder what it must have been like to hear Jesus purposely talk to her, an outcast; how she must have felt when she realized who He was? Overwhelmed? Awestruck? Humbled? Excited? Yes, Im sure she felt all of these because she was loved not just by a Jew, but by THE Messiah.  He told her who he was…and truth poured into her open heart. Love does that-opens hearts. Later in the John 4 passage, it says Jesus spent two days there.  He stayed and so many people believed. wow

Jesus encounters each of us, doesn’t he? It may be just like this story, where we’re overwhelmed on a “normal” day doing “normal” things. It may be like the rich young ruler, or the woman dying with disease…but He comes. He comes and loves, asks us questions, prods our thoughts, patiently explains truth. He stays long enough so we know it isn’t just a dream.

My encounter with Jesus was simple. I was a child and I saw the truth in His eyes as He smiled and told me who He was. I believed.  Thankfully, we all have an encounter, an opportunity to behold truth and take it in. I’m just relishing in that thought today.