Needy 2/22/2012

Have you ever felt strong? Physically? Spiritually? Emotionally? This often happens after a perceived victory moment, doesn’t it? Maybe you feel strong after a long hike that took all of your energy and focus, or maybe when you said a kind word when the words”I told you so” echoed it’s sarcastic self in the recesses of your mind as an option. You felt strong because you conquered. Or did you? This is the illusion anyway. How ironic that we are probably the strongest when we are aware of our weaknesses. When we look ourselves squarely in the face and speak honestly about our failures; when we know we need God’s power in our life, it is then that we are closer to life and truth. Outward circumstance can make us look victorious but that really isn’t the goal, is it? I’m not advocating defeatism. There is power available, but not in myself. I’m empty without help. I am acknowledging that in humbleness of heart (the reality and truth) resides the arsenal I need. It’s not made up of flesh and blood. The arsenal is power that has no physical arms and legs. It swirls around me in another realm, like invisible angels. Left on my own, I can muster up decisions that look right. I can say the right things for awhile. It really isn’t strength though. Maybe it’s some kind of self preservation because I know enough truth to reason righteousness. But that isn’t surrender to the power of God and His life becoming mine, His power mine, His eyes my sight. I want to know the desperateness of me and accept the beautiful gifts God wants me to have. There is nothing I can do to change the fact that I’m weak-physically, emotionally, spiritually. As much as I want it to, no “perfect situation” (family, friends, money, health) in this life changes the reality of my need. Outward circumstances (good and bad, victory and failure) make it easier to see and know my need. He made me to need Him, plain and simple. In surrender I will reap benefits of Him.

I’ve had a few down days physically. As always, It’s been a great reminder. It’s hard to be weak. In wanting the situation to be different, I naturally ask questions of myself. For me, I started thinking, what has changed? what can I do to feel strong again? Is it this? is it that? It’s really not any different emotionally and spiritually. Even in my my perceived strong days, I am still nothing more than needy. Hanging onto that and thankful for every good gift that comes from above; for a new day and more strength from Him.

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