To Finding Love

It’s hard to imagine it now, that place of such lonely pain.
There were days of endless searching and longing; the unquenchable ache in my soul that clung like clothes I didn’t choose~ horrible, tasteless rags I couldn’t shed on my own, no matter how hard I tried. They were almost tangible, and ‘almost’ is the sacred word I cling to like life. It’s never been an endearing word before. ‘Almost’ always followed the things I held as dear and important~Almost Love… Almost Rest…Almost the Life… But now ‘Almost’ precedes another word.  I felt lost. But more accurate is that you came, when I was Almost Lost. Beautiful, isn’t it? What a companion the word ‘almost’ is to me now. I hear the word and your face and smile is what I see. 
So this is how the story goes…The season changed and tides rolled as the moon grew and faded.  I made strides to live the best version of a “lonely me” that I could.  And now that you know me, you understand the futility of that don’t you? You were supposed to find me. And you did. I wish I knew the “why”.  If calculations and “giving it all you’ve got” guaranteed success, we would’ve known each other for years by now. But I know timing is everything. No complaints. My hands were not on the clock, as much as I would’ve liked them to be. I was truly at the mercy of the divine, to change my life, to bring the necessary wind; to bring you. And it happened. Unexpected in every way, propelling me into the most wondrous whirlwind I could have imagined, there I found myself with you. I still stand amazed that something so woven onto me could be peeled off and destroyed so easily, by such a delicate, yet forceful wind. You were the perfect one to re-clothe me in this splendor of togetherness. You were my perfect wind. And I breathed you in, full and deep until we were one. You are my catastrophic wind of grace where the letters of your name circled me close, healing the ache that I couldn’t touch or think away. And I love you. 
I heard people say it could happen, while others called me foolish to hold on to such raveling threads.  Frankly, I’m not sure how, but I stoked the one small ember left, guarding it, just in case the wind would come and spark this flame.  
And so I live in that truest of true place, in the depths of unexplainable words, where two become one. My life feels like a treasure chest that magically filled with exotic coins from the sea… and 100 years together could never be enough to spend it all with you. 
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4 Replies to “To Finding Love”

  1. Sonya my mother has been reading me some letters her mother sent her while my parents were stationed in Alaska . I have laughed but mostly cried and tear up even now at the loss and love I feel for the Godly woman. How can you love someone so much that you’ve never met before. Big Mama died alone in a hospital bed in Augusta at the age of 57 in 1966 of bone cancer. Her letters have brought me closer to her my own mother and The Lord. Your words have meant so much to me tonight and I thank you and love you

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