You know how I should feel

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The evening sun was sinking and a breeze drifting by. She moved a little faster on the warm path that meandered through the dense GA trees toward the creek. She desperately wanted to see the sun’s shimmer on the water at dusk, even if for a moment. The physical effort mirrored her busy mind, wandering this way and that, contemplating the day’s happenings as she scurried. Ideas tossed about, churning like a river running free. But questions nagged. “What if” thoughts followed one by one like soldiers on a mission she couldn’t stop.

Everything on the path was wild and green, with spring blossoms bursting. She rushed around the last bend with arms outstretched running her fingers along the edge of the leaves. She knew how many steps until she would hear the familiar babble of the water. (Deep breath.)  Yes, there it is. She closed her eyes and smiled.

Her sitting spot was worn and waiting as always- inviting, open, and always generous. As she went to sit, a flutter caught her attention. A bluebird perched on the branch along the creek, watching the water with her. She noted the tiny movement. A twitch. A chirp. What was the bird saying? As if on cue the bird’s eyes moved until it found hers. She was sure of it. She thought, ‘Am I chatting with a bluebird’? Today she thought the answer was “yes”. An omen, maybe? She wondered as she watched the bird move toward her on the branch, just slightly nodding before flying up in to the sky toward the faint moon and stars that were emerging.  Such elaborate elegance was worthy of notice. That thought was the one drifting in with ease now. And thoughts that she should “chat with birds” more often.

A little bird made her forget what needed forgetting and remember what needed remembering. One little bird defeated the “what if” soldiers, reminding her that moments are for soaking in wonder, not worry.  Moments have always been about wonder. Little birds know this secret—-little bluebirds flying high. They know how we should feel. Feeling good.

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Take-away’s from 2016

Take-away’s from 2016:

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  1. My body is my friend. Believing good things are happening in me in the midst of feeling ill is faith. It is part of the path to healing, which involves the spirit as much as the body (‘You are the Placebo’ is a good book)
  2. There are amazing people in this world, spreading cheer, love and light all around. I found in my most vulnerable places, full of need, I could see them (feel them) more clearly.
  3. Food is so awesome.(especially Krispy Kreme doughnuts).  Yes, eating is nourishment but also an avenue for connection and pleasure. We eat for more reasons than just staying alive. It’s a beautiful need/want see-saw that vacillates between our body and spirit.
  4. Sometimes we have dreams… and then we must grow to accommodate them.
  5. Menopause is cruel. BUT, menopause shows us where we are most vulnerable, then asks us to be ok with that. All that is left is the strength and beauty that was always there, just hidden.
  6. I am strong. And so are you. We are strong
  7. Friends can make difficult places easier and easy places meaningful.
  8. I think I believe in mental telepathy, or a cousin to that.
  9. We can be surrounded by people and feel alone. We can be alone and not feel lonely.
  10. A baby’s entrance into this world grounds us here into the tangible but simultaneously elevates us into intangible worlds of divine magical mystery. (Thank you, angel Lennon.)
  11. Watching a toddler allows us to see again that what we witness every day is a miracle. (I love my sweet Moses.)
  12. We all desire validation. We must accept it as a gift from God. It was never meant to come from others.
  13. Spouses can/do change. Spouses can reveal us to us.
  14. Nothing/no one can destroy love.It DOES win
  15. No one can steal us, unless we let them.
  16. Sometimes old horses help us believe more deeply.
  17. Las Vegas is emotionally loud.
  18. Pursuing that which fuels the soul makes time irrelevant.
  19. Everyone is relevant
  20. Spanish Moss in the trees make everything seem heavenly
  21. Eating bread (from Ingrained Bakery) on a park bench with my parents is special.
  22. Ask myself “how do I want to feel?” It will answer the “what should I be doing” questions.
  23. We are all so very much alike.
  24. This too shall pass (even elections)
  25. “What if” questions should be asked more frequently
  26. Ask more questions to those we don’t understand.
  27. RV living is an adventure. (plan winter in a warm place)
  28. Sometimes we need a nice neighbor late at night.
  29. Seeing a newborn calf can make us want to live on a farm.
  30. Zip-lining is really fun. do it.
  31. The “most” ______person we know, could be our child. (Teachers and inspire-ers are not always before us chronologically 😉 (ie. Brooke, Jake, Josh, Jordan, Natalie, Eli, Bethany)
  32. We are never too old to try.Never.
  33. If we listen, we hear.
  34. Unfortunately, tans fade and wrinkles last. 😉
  35. Life changes can happen anywhere because change starts within us. (the secret life of change)
  36. Never underestimate a full moon. It can take our breath away.
  37. Maybe growing old can be more about the “growing” and less about the “old”.
  38. The sand, water, shells and sky consistently deliver mystery and stability.
  39. A country song in all of it’s simplicity can reveal our human complexity.
  40. What we know doesn’t make us better.
  41. Sometimes a year ends before we feel “ready”